Where I am today…

I’m going to be 33 years old next week.  I guess I kinda remember when thirty seemed SO  old.  In all honesty, though, when I think about my upcoming birthday my gut reaction is….only 33?  I’ve got a lot to go!  I don’t feel “old” – even though all things are not running quite as they used to be.  I can’t always say I don’t feel like I look “older” when I’m uncomfortable in my own look or clothes or in the way my cheeks seem to have a little more give than they used to.  And having a soon-to-be-13-year-old son – that should make me feel old, right?  Not so much right now.  What it does make me feel like doing is taking stock of where I am and who I want to be.  So this is me, at almost thirty-three:

  • In a round-about manner, I have found myself a part of a family of 5.  I never expected to have more than one kid.  We’re a crazy “blended” family who unfortunately has to live in 3 different places most of the time. But we’re working on that.
  • It’s stressful having 3 kids around.
  • It’s also a lot of fun.
  • There are days when I feel like I just cannot possibly take one more, “Mama?” or “Sara?” or “Oh my god, would you please knock it off!”
  • I’m a manager in a sales organization doing analysis and process work.  Every day I come in to work I am thankful to be working because I need money to live.  And every day I know I was meant to be doing something else instead.
  • We are constantly scrimping and scraping to make ends meet and still enjoy the time we all have together.
  • I know that I am lucky enough now to be with my soulmate.  I used to watch movies and read books and long for that saying, “I know it can feel like that” (life and love and everything else).  And now I can say I was right and any of you who don’t believe it just haven’t experienced it.
  • I believe creativity is even more fun when it can be shared with someone else from time to time.
  • I am not religious but I believe in gods (and goddesses, and spirits and dragons for that matter.).
  • I love to read but have a hard time finding books that grab me.
  • I really hate maternity photography – I understand pregnancy is this wonderful thing to people and beautiful and blah, blah, blah.  I just don’t get it.  I’ve been pregnant and it was fine but that’s about it.
  • I will one day run my own business (or businesses) and not have to do this everyday anymore.
  • My family, whether it’s conscious or not, has a great understanding that the time we all share is extremely limited – either by commitments or work or worse.  We don’t have enough of it so we need to enjoy it whenever we can.
  • There is always at least one area of my house that is a total mess and two projects that are unfinished.  If given the choice between cleaning and painting or taking the kids to the park, the park will always win.
  • I feel desperate for more time – all the time – but yet I still want that extra 30 minutes to lay in bed after Bryan leaves in the morning.  I’m going to try to change that.
  • Last night, two of my boys spent at least 30 minutes holed up in a bedroom while the other tried to run interference to keep me out of said bedroom.  When they were done I was presented with a birthday picture – a cut out of a werewolf howling at a full moon – from the littlest, Jayden.  It’s hanging in my office now.
  • I am equally frustrated and exhilarated by the little man my oldest is becoming.
  • We open our home each year to 18-19 year old boys who come to Ohio to play hockey. Most days I never know if I’m cooking dinner for 3 or 5 or 7 or more.  Even though it’s a struggle and can be a pain, I love it when the house is full.
  • I am doing more now than I ever expected.  I hardly watch TV (by comparison to before) but I also hardly squeeze in a lot of my other little pleasures.  I’ve lost about 15 pounds in the last 1 ½ years and I don’t snack anymore because I’m never bored (or at least if I am bored, it’s by choice).
  • I haven’t been able to “scrapbook” in what feels like forever – and I haven’t done much hands-on creative in a couple of months.  I’m going through withdrawl.  When I have the opportunity, I don’t seem to have the inspiration.  When I have the inspiration and I’m dying to be back in our office I don’t have the time.  It’s something else I’m going to try to change.
  • I am HAPPY.
  • I feel like I never used to take full breathes before.
  • I love Patricia Briggs, most specifically her Mercy Thompson series.  I recently finished Silver Bourne and can’t wait to get my hands on the next one when it’s out.  There was a part of the book, though, where they were talking about mate bonds and this pull that they have, this draw from your guts and a deep-seeded sense of “MINE”.  I read it and I totally get it.
  • Last night Dylan and I sat down at the dining room table and organized his binders for school and tried to get everything done because he knew something was worth 5 bonus points.  I actually felt good about school for him for a minute (last year was a VERY rough year) and I’m hoping we can keep that momentum beyond just the first day.
  • Dylan read 4 books for pleasure (well, sort of.  I made him read before he could watch TV and he wound up enjoying the books in the end) this summer which is more than ever before.  I want to keep that momentum going too.
  • I get jealous of people living the life I want – creative jobs, good blogs, making and selling art.  I need to do more to get myself that life too. 

This is going to be another year of great progress and changes and fun…another year of a good life.


About Mama's a Mess

Who am I and what am I doing here? Well, at the end of the day I'm a mother and a wife, a lover of classic monster movies and comic books, of music, TV and movies. I'm a sucker for pop culture. I'm a fangirl. I'm an artist. As my husband always puts it, "Baby, you're a mess!" I have a penchant for creating and collecting. I feed my brain with a mix of anything from hot rods and pin-ups to handmade and natural. I like to dig in the dirt and grow things but sometimes picture myself doing it like Donna Reed. I will always, always choose to wear a dress first. I am head over heels in love with my husband and have a fantastically crazy life with him. Follow all our adventures and musings on our blog at https://blakow.wordpress.com. Twitter: @mamasamess Pinterest & Polyvore: mamasamess
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One Response to Where I am today…

  1. Christi says:

    Aww! I’m truly happy for you. It’s amazing how much your life has changed over the past 14 years. I wish you a year full of more happiness and adventures my friend. You truly deserve it.

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