Premature ejaculation is a myth

woman-laughingI know somebody has read the title and thought, ‘Oh, I gotta hear what this guy has to say because I know for a fact that it’s bullshit’ and I’m sorry that you feel that way because obviously, you have reason to. However, in agreement with you, I will note that I know there are times when ejaculation occurs very soon after the beginning of sex (or sexual contact). The fact that people will call that premature ejaculation is simply a matter of perspective. It’s not a physical dysfunction, it happened when it was supposed to. It is, however, a sexist idea.

If a couple is making out hard & passionately for awhile and she opens his pants and grabs his penis and all of a sudden, he can’t control it and cums right then, he may be subject to ridicule. If the tables were turned and as soon as the guy touches the woman, she lets go with an orgasm, people would consider her very sexually responsive and I can’t see anyone (other than some uptight, hardcore religious freak) seeing it as a negative thing. So, why should it be considered bad that a guy can be so sexually responsive to the woman he is obviously insanely attracted to? I’m not saying that if he shoots early, it should be over. Absolutely not – he should have the consideration to help her reach some gratification too. If not for her, then at least to vindicate himself of any embarrassment. I bet she wouldn’t be so apt to go tell her friends you were a quick-draw McGraw and laugh it up with them,  if you follow up with some mind-blowing oral on her. I bet she might even invite it the next time she feels like she would prefer tongue over penis.

couple-in-bed-not-talking-to-eachother-articleI think the main problem here is that men are expected to be the party to do the servicing during sex. I personally don’t have a direct problem with this because I enjoy making my wife happy in that regard, but to be expected to always be the half of the relationship servicing, rather than being serviced can be frustrating for many guys, I’m sure. That can actually cause undue stress for him and make the situation worse. Maybe even too frustrating to stay in said relationship. So, ladies – help a brotha out. Some sexual (not verbal) teasing is ok, if there’s actually a pay-out in the end. Let him watch you play with your clit and tell him he can have it after he licks it for a little bit. Once his dick is inside you, let him know the positions that feel best or if switching positions alot is more a turn-on for you. Whatever you do, don’t shut down and act sad or angry if he is so turned on by being with you that he cums earlier than expected. Communication is key to great sex in a relationship.

Now, for the guys – don’t be rude. If you know that you have a tendency to cum pretty quickly, then help her out. It’s not all about you. Get over your egotistical bullshit and put her orgasm first. Yes, I know that it can take a long time and can be frustrating sometimes, but that’s because she is more turned on by how you treat her, rather than how you look. We can be ready to go just by seeing her naked and her brushing up against it, but it’s not like that for them. They are more turned on from an emotional basis. Yes, they may be visually attracted to you, but if you look good and just climb on and pound away, that probably won’t do it for her and eventually, she’ll find a guy that will be able to make it happen for her.

aa-couple-talking-in-bedEven for those of us whom this isn’t a normal problem for, there are those moments when it can, has & will happen. Any guy who denies it ever happening is full of shit and they probably still deny masturbation too. Get over it fellas, nobody cares if 2 years ago you had a moment or two of being a 3-pump chump. So, for guys that this regularly happens to, I’m sure there are sex products, meditation techniques or other things you can find to help you last longer. Or maybe you just need to masturbate more often in between sex with your significant other. Or, do as I suggested and get your tongue down there to help her side of the process along. That’s all personal preference, but it should be a collaborative effort. Talk to each other and figure out the things that work best for both of you together. Once again, communication is key.

And ladies, don’t call him out on it if he cums too early. It’s not a physical dysfunction. He just likes you a lot -like, whole lot. You should be flattered that you excite him so much. In short – don’t be a bitch about it. You can have patience with him and talk with him about it [Notice I said talk with him and not to him – there is a HUGE difference]. If this kind of conversation makes him uncomfortable or he just flat-out refuses, then maybe it’s time to move on, but give it an honest try because making him feel bad about it and making fun of him won’t get you anywhere. Most likely, he will cheat on you because subconsciously, he will be seeking approval somewhere else. Don’t feed into this idea that him cumming too early means there is something wrong with him or his body. That will destroy your relationship.

 

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4 Responses to Premature ejaculation is a myth

  1. Diane Brockley says:

    Great job!

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